Welcome back, loyal Reality Register fans to the second edition of this Q & A column, where we seek to answer all of your most pressing questions about The Reality Register and the subjects we know and love! I’ve gotten a lot of questions over the last couple of weeks, most from one source actually, and I’ve hand-picked some of the best. Keep them coming, these are fun to read!
Without further ado, let’s get rolling, shall we?
Question: I’ve always found the area of cryptids to be an interesting subject, but there are a lot of people who think they’re not real at all. Why do they have to be so darn elusive? – Wyatt Bryant
That’s a question asked by each and every cryptozoologist I’ve ever talked to Wyatt, and it’s one that kind of answers itself if you think about it. The term cryptid actually implies that the species in question is elusive, otherwise they would just be animals. In turn, this would make the cryptozoologists that study them into regular zoologists, which usually requires years of schooling. It’s a good thing these guys are so elusive, or cryptozoologists everywhere would have to get themselves into some pretty serious student loan debt to keep doing what they love. Thanks for the question!
Question: I know you said in your last Q & A that Dogman couldn’t be killed by anything, including a silver bullet, but how is he actually different from a werewolf? – Anthony Randhawa
Werewolves are victims of circumstance, either bitten by a pre-existing werewolf or cursed after passing three times through an arch made of birch with the help of a wild rose spine. Dogman always is, always has been, and always will be, and doesn’t need circumstance or moon phases to direct him. I hope this answers all of your Dogman questions, but keep in mind I don’t mind talking about him so feel free to ask about him again.
Question: Who would win in a three way battle: Nessie, Champ or Chessie? – Jack Davis
Oh man, I love cryptid fight hypotheticals, but this one would a lake monster battle for the ages. Well, lets analyze the competitors here. First is Nessie, who you have to think would be the heavy favorite entering the bout, having the most clout among cryptid fans across the globe. Nessie is a fresh water creature described as resembling a plesiosaur, a long necked aquatic fish hunter, equipped with sharp teeth and a predatory disposition. Chessie is a legendary salt water sea monster, known to inhabit Maryland’s Chesapeake Bay. Chessie has been described as snakelike and black in color, with a football sized horselike head. Champ, another freshwater plesiosaur, hails from Lake Champlain, a lake along the Vermont/New York border. Early accounts of this creature report that Champ measures over 100 feet in length, with some estimating him to be much, much larger. Because one of the three competitors is a salt water creature, the location of the battle definitely matters, as Chessie would be a definite loser in a lake, while it would definitely triumph in the sea. If in a lake, I’d say Champ ends up victorious given his clear size advantage over Nessie, but as we’ve reported in previous stories, Nessie is pretty crafty and would have some tricks up her sleeve.
Question: We all know that atrazine has been turning frogs gay, and fluoride in the water is making people more obedient, are there any other chemicals we should be looking out for? – Danielle Pappilardo
Wow, that’s a big question Danielle, but a very important one. The obvious response to this one is glyphosate causing widespread health issues, and the GMO crops that accompany its use only muddy those waters further. But one that’s been skirting everyone’s radar for years has been the use of chlorine in higher and higher doses in swimming pools. Not only have studies shown it no longer actually prevents the growth of algae or other pool filter clogging contaminants due to overuse, but there have been numerous reports of swimmers actually turning inside out after swimming for only a short time in chlorine treated pools. And you thought mildly irritated eyes is uncomfortable?
Question: I’ve tried to reach out to Lady Bacon numerous times about joining up with her, but I think I’m to the point now that I need to have a public psychic battle to prove my superior skills. How can we arrange that? – Stephen Cromwell
I debated for a long time if I was even going to answer you any more Stephen, you send way to many messages to me, The Reality Register, and Lady Bacon. I talked to Lady Bacon, who has advised me to let you submit your half of the story, which I’ll print as a reader submission. Here, you can provide whatever proof you feel you need to showcase your skills, as you call them.
I’ll be honest, I’m not sure exactly what you’re talking about, but if Lady Bacon’s okay with it, I’ll give you the forum you feel you need. I’m telling you now, she doesn’t need an assistant, or sidekick, or whatever you’ve dreamed up here, so I’m not sure what you’re thinking you’ll get out of it, but hey, go nuts.
Alright guys, until next time, keep on thinking about the world around you and send us whatever you think doesn’t make sense. We’ll help you out, we only print the truth.
Jacob Bartholomew
